There’s a Time and a Place

There’s a time and a place.

But I am somewhere in between the two. Never really fitting where I am, but stuck at the acknowledgement that things could somehow be different. That they SHOULD somehow be different.

I didn’t think my mid to late 20s would look like the absolute crazy show it has, yet I digress. There’s really no argument to be had. Life will be the way it is.

I will be turning 28 this year and while I know I still have plenty of time, I do find it important to talk about the vast changes that take place in such small intervals of time. It feels like just yesterday I was 16 and everyone told me I had plenty of time to figure out where I was going and what I was doing. This has been true but oh so wrong. I promise I blinked once and I was turning 21…then 25…now 28 and soon to be 30.

During all of these intervals and milestones – the moments between even- there have been so many accomplishments and even more failures. That’s lesson one I learned. Life is more about losing and learning what to do with that loss rather than about winning and doing everything the way it was always assumed it should/would be completed. I think this concept was scary for me when I was younger and probably is for most people. I also believe it’s more normal than people would like to admit. The old days have passed. You know- the ones our grandparents talked about with the nuclear family and traditional dynamics that came with it. Married by early 20s and kids by mid 20s is looking more like married by early 30s and kids shortly thereafter. And this is okay! It is also okay if your life sounds nothing like either of these options. The more we continue to normalize individual lifestyles, the more we can have honest conversations about the bigger and probably more scary topics of life. I wish someone had been so honest to tell me that while I had “plenty of time”, I would also continue to have less and less. And that it’s important to understand this idea of vast changes in small intervals of time.

All of this just to say that I am turning 30 in the next couple of years, and while I may not be where I feel I should be (or at least 16 year old me thought I would be), I can also look back and say I am not in the places I feared the most either. I am definitely somewhere in between, but maybe that’s good because I still have so much to learn and so many experiences. I hope to be someone in this life who normalizes individual lifestyles and can reassure you all that it’s truly going to be okay. I promise. 🙂

Positive vibes. ❤

BLM- Strong Post Alert

In light of recent events, I wanted to write a post. One with meaning and one with such savage education to back it up that no one could argue. I wanted something that could bring everyone to the same realizations I have had the past couple weeks. I wanted a writing so straight forward that there would be no questioning, no further wandering, no persecution for beliefs and definitely no retaliation. The thing about this, though, is that as far as I can educate myself, so can others. As far as I can believe that I have so much to learn and so many things I CAN’T learn…others can realize this as well! They have to want to know this though. They have to want this education. They have to want to know about their white privilege and learn about other cultures. They have to want to wrap their minds around both recent happenings and ones in the past. They have to want to see the pattern that authority has continually presented. A pattern of racism and inequality. A pattern that is so normalized that depending on where you live and what you see daily, you may not even believe exists. I will not under any circumstances say that it’s “totally fine” if you don’t see it happening and therefor stay quiet. (Though there is a time, place and different ways to contribute to this entire situation) You have fingers to type, a voice to speak, you have resources to educate yourself furthermore than you may have the prior day. I will say, however, that it is tragic. Not even for other cultures, other ethnicities, and other races, but for yourself. It’s tragic that you don’t choose to educate yourself.

I do also, in some aspects, see how there are extremists on both sides of this matter. I, personally, do not agree with violence for violence. However, I do not have a right to tell another human being to not be angry. To not feel for those of their own. It is not my right and it never will be. So I want to say I have the utmost respect for the feelings and the raw emotions that come with this matter. I am not naive enough to think I have enough knowledge and life experience to hardly BEGIN understanding the years and years of oppression. Of Racism. Of cultural discrimination. And I apologize for not even taking the time until recently to understand.

This is all I have to say on this matter for now, as I am still trying to build my own education on this matter.

Until next time,

Positive Vibes. ❤

It Is Well With My Soul

It’s messy. It’s so messy how some sounds echo in your mind sometimes. For me it’s always been chirping birds, the new morning light, watching the day reset itself. It reminds me of times and moments that I can barely remember. Moments so vague in my mind that I can only know the feelings that come with them. There are no faces, or places. No sounds or words. Maybe its the feeling of starting over that makes my gut drop. Maybe it’s knowing the unknown and the process that comes with that.

There are, however, things that are so well with my soul. Like open fields, random 2am text messages, words, writings, objects that still have spirit in the dust that’s settled around it. Its the dirt beneath my shoes when I go hiking. And god forbid the leaves on the trees and the way they constantly change. The layers of green. The sun bathing on my skin. Drowsy mornings when everything is silent and nothing has come into existence yet. These things are well with my soul. These things make me fall in love over and over and over again.

Focus on the things that are well with your soul 🙂

Positive Vibes ❤

Perspective is Everything

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These two photos are at the same exact place, but two different views. Both are beautiful in two completely separate ways. I feel as though a lot of times in life we find it easy to compare and while this can be a very good thing, it can also be the exact idea that destroys us inside.

Some people may say that one picture looks more stormy than the other. One may be more cluttered. One may contain more depth. But again, both pictures are at the same place and both can tell a VERY different story.

I think often times more than less we set our selves up for what we want to see in front of us. We may want to grieve over a thought or a feeling we have to let go. One that makes us feel stormy. Or we may want to clutter our minds with the views in front of us.  With Experience. With Knowledge. Opportunity.

Moral of my post, perspective is everything. If we want to see change. If we want to see openness or knowledge, we have to set ourselves up for that. We can’t continually keep looking in the wrong places if we want to see the RIGHT things. Change your perspectives. If you want different outcomes then place your energy in new places. In new opportunities. Change your point of view. Change the direction you point your camera in life and don’t stop.

You may find a perspective that feels comfortable. Maybe that could be perfect for you, but make sure you are continually building. Make sure you change the perspective every one in a while. You WILL see growth. You will see opportunity and MAYBE you will even find the very thing you’ve been looking for.

These are just my 5am thoughts as I climb into bed. More to come ❤

Last Summer

And what if touching you is intoxicating.

The kind of intoxicating that starts at the bottom of the glass and works it’s way to the top.

Chilled and sharp around the edges.

And setting you down is anything but easy. Because your taste is still in my mouth-down the back of my throat and into my chest.

~7/22/19

It is in the least for me to say a lot has changed since the last time I have posted here on this blog. That being said there may be a few updates. First update: I have a dog now. Her name is Amelia Rose and I love her to death. She is a year and a half old and I wouldn’t replace her for anything in this world. I am now single and happily single at that 🙂 Time to see where blogging takes me again! Positive Vibes ❤

A Rock

Maybe love was never actually a positive term

Maybe more of an idea

Maybe love is the term people used at one time to explain the unexplainable

The things we did or saw regardless of other things around us

Maybe one day a long time ago, someone found a rock for the first time and called that love as well

And then one day someone got their heart broken

And still kept those feelings for the person

It was unexplainable. It had no limits

And they called it love

And it’s a forever consuming idea that that’s what love is. Because we found names for every other unexplainable word

Except for this thing called love

Live.

And it’s true

You’re the one who destroyed me

Sure you put me back together too

Sure you love me

But I’m the rose you decided to pick

And you put me under artificial sunlight

And hid other flowers in the other rooms

Because I wasn’t enough.

And I have to know I’m enough. I have to remember what that’s like

And you can’t have me when it’s all finished either

Because I’ll have to kill that side of me

The corner of myself where you lived. Intertwined into who I am

I have to kill it

You have to be gone.

So that I can live.

Skyline

And if I was a highway skyline at sunset

You’d be the wall of clouds.

The one falling in on the light.

Carrying away the bright colors and bringing in the shades of grey

Settling into my hope for the sunrise to come in the morning.

Destroying the optimism.

And ripping apart the view.

Bitter

I loved you….I love you….I will love you
In any of those moments, you become what I write about. And hate is such a bitter word, but when you’re in the moment full of past tense love, bitter is all you feel
And cold is all you see
You start to crave the warmth of present tense love, so you fall into a naive sense of security.
Diving two years deep into emotion.
Burying the bitter, cold hate with future tense love.
Playing a game of Ethos Logos Pathos with yourself.
False credibility
Lost logic
And manipulative emotion
Three appeals, one ending :
Heartbreak.